Anger And Rage Addiction: How To Break The Cycle And Return To Health

Posted on: May 27, 2007

The addictive cycle begins with just not feeling right. Your needs aren’t being met, you may feel abused or neglected, either in the past or the present. You’ve tried to fix things in different ways, but nothing seems to work. You’re just not getting what you want. You may not tell anyone, but you feel a lot of anxiety and pain, almost all of the time. The anger just builds and builds. You may have some physical pain from this, or the feeling that you’re going to explode.

And then you do explode.

Usually when you explode, someone gets hurt. Some of your stress is relieved, and you might possibly even have felt good for a few moments while you were releasing, but it doesn’t last. The person or people you hurt may be the ones you love the most in the world–either way you don’t like the results of your explosion. You swore you wouldn’t do it again, but you just can’t seem to stop. You feel guilty, and you may or may not be able to apologize. When you do apologize nobody really believes you anymore. You might even think you were justified in your explosion, blaming someone else for how you felt.

Your needs still are not met. The problem is worse. But you got the temporary relief from anger/rage release, so if something doesn’t happen to break the cycle you will probably do it all again. This is addiction. You don’t have to live like this.


Fortunately, there are many different ways to break the cycle of anger/rage addiction.

1. Learn to meet your unmet needs. There is a sad, frightened child in every anger/rage addict, whether they know it or not. Once you begin to meet some of your own emotional needs, you will be more easily satisfied with what others can give you, taking a lot of stress out of relationships.

2. Identify the old behavior patterns and faulty thought processes that you have been using that maintain your addiction and destructive behavior. You may need Anger Management Counseling or an Anger Management Program to help you with that.

3. Giving yourself some relief from physiological distress can also help to break anger/rage addiction cycles. Exercise, a healthy diet, relaxation or meditation can be very helpful in this area. Getting plenty of rest is also essential to alleviating physiological distress.

4. Finding healthy ways to release your anger and rage can be extremely helpful for breaking the addictive cycle. You can read Dr. DeFoore’s book or listen to his Anger Management Techniques to learn more about healthy anger and rage release.

5. Experiencing physical release and relief with healthy anger work can be a major breakthrough for some people suffering from anger/rage addiction. Feeling powerful, being loud and using physical aggression in safe, non-destructive ways lets you know that it’s okay to be strong and take charge of your situation. And no one has to get hurt in the process.


The powerful rush of adrenaline that often accompanies anger feels good. It actually gives a person greater physical strength temporarily while the adrenaline is being released. After the release of anger, there is often a sense of euphoria and general well-being. If there has been a significant physical exertion during the expression of anger, there may also be endorphins released into the bloodstream, creating an even greater feeling of pleasure. All of this adds up to one point: you can get addicted to explosive releases of anger and rage.

It feels bad to store up feelings. Sometimes you get tense, irritable and uneasy. You may even develop physical pain from the tension, and possibly develop stress-related illnesses. The relief from tension experienced during aggressive behavior actually creates good feelings on a physical level, although you may be in great pain emotionally. That’s the nature of addiction. When pleasant feelings become associated with unhealthy and destructive behavior, you get addicted to that behavior.

The addictive cycle helps to illustrate how the pattern of suppression and explosion develops. The cycle begins when your needs for love, nurturance, support and security go unmet in childhood. This includes experiences of neglect, abandonment, rejection and the many types of direct abuse. Part of being born as a vulnerable child in an imperfect world means having experiences that are painful and frightening. One of the ways we protect ourselves from more pain is through the use of anger.

If your parents were not educated about the healthy value of anger, they may have punished or rejected you when you displayed this emotion. Unfortunately, you continued to be hurt in various ways, and many of your needs continued to go unmet. This causes a buildup of anger and frustration, leading to a breaking point in a situation you feel is “safe” to release your anger. The problem is that you tend to feel the safest (and the most angry) in your home with those you love. This is also where you tend to find the “last straw” that sends you “over the edge.”

That’s when the explosion occurs, followed by the rush of power and energy. At this point in the cycle, you may be verbally, emotionally or physically abusive. This usually leads to an apology or an attempt to “make it up to” the person or persons you have hurt. Some people don’t do this part; they just retreat into tremendous shame and guilt and don’t say a word about what has happened. Some powerful denial and blocking can occur at this point if the person is incapable of processing what has actually happened.

When apology or compensation does occur, the victim(s) may or may not forgive the abuser. It really does not matter. If the shame goes unhealed, the forgiveness will not be accepted. What matters is whether or not the person in the addictive cycle takes responsibility in the present, and takes care of unfinished business from the past. If they do, they’ve broken the cycle. If not, they will repeat the cycle and there will be more pain and suffering for all concerned. Fortunately, there are many effective ways to break the addiction cycle, and therefore no one has to be a victim to their addiction.


When you have effectively broken the anger and rage addiction cycle, your anger becomes healthy. Healthy anger is one of the most powerful resources you can have, and you can use it in positive ways to create the life of your dreams.

About the Author

William G. DeFoore is a counselor, executive coach, author and speaker. He has 34 years of experience in helping people achieve healthy, happy relationships. Get free information, watch videos and purchase books, CDs and downloads at . Contact Dr. DeFoore at


2 Responses to "Anger And Rage Addiction: How To Break The Cycle And Return To Health"

Dr. DeFoore,

This is an interested explanation of the meaning of anger addition. While I do not agree that this meets the definition of any type of addition, it is interesting to read.

to get rid of the anger we still may have to deal with the causes of the anger.. even the people who wrongfully made us angry as well.. Still too many of the sheep or many Ostrich liked persons seem to avoid dealing with negative realties and as a result get often get angry be of these unresolved personal conflicts, even cause they continue to be abused by others for example so they need to recognize the problem and deal with it still.. Like it or not 30 percent of all persons are immoral abusers, liars, bullies, cheat who likely should be jailed now.. jail is the right place for them too.. On my family blog I have loads of people researching how to deal with bad, crooked churches, alcoholics, bullies, verbal abuse, etc. and they do need enlightenment, help in dealing with this too.
Some of us who have matured are willing to help others learn from even our own insights, experiences

(2 Cor 1:3 KJV) Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;

(2 Cor 1:4 KJV) Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.

(2 Cor 1:5 KJV) For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ.

One effective way i deal with anger is to write down what I am angry about and why too.

Afghani journalism student Parwiz Kambakhsh has been sentenced to death for blaspheming because he not only downloaded articles regarding woman’s right’s under Islam, but also exposing the brutality against women and children by the local warlords in his community. He is being sentenced to death for “disseminating defamatory comments about Islam.”Say it isn’t soooo? Sounds like another mo-ham-med teddy bear moment to me! A three judge panel decided that his articles were blasphemous and sentenced him to die. That’s Shari’ah Law for you. The issue for this writer is the Islamic concept of blasphemy.. This is what Canadians are dying for over there now too?

Some persons try to say that Islam has freed them, but did your brothers, father, government free you yet too? or are they still killing, murdering you ?

Physical abuse, Human rights abuses, Verbal abuse, silent treatment or being a control freak is also not acceptable even on the net.. For any religion to survive in the modern world, it needs to adapt to its reality, especially when it comes to equality between men and women concerning religious practices. As men and women should worship God in the same way, women should also have the same rights as women in assuming religious responsibilities.

While there are some common, rare similarity amongst some of the major religions in this world, The aspect of polygamy, the rights of divorce is clearly one that contrasts them all.. for a True Christian divorce is not permitted at all.. even if many Christians falsely practice it.

Too Many persons do practice their own version of Christianity, and Islam it seems thus, based on what others have said it says too..

It is true that there are many Muslims, men as well as women, who fully do not live up to the teachings of Islam, and the other religions now just as there are too many Christian men and women who do not live up to the teachings of Jesus, the Apostles, the Bible undeniably.

Muslims women themselves now often complain to news editors how they are abused by Muslim men. Muslim Religion and do not have equal rights to the men, for example the right to go to school in many Muslim countries now too.. Muslims have equal rights to the other citizens in the English speaking countries.. In fact non Muslims do not have the same rights as Muslims in many Muslim countries now too and all of these facts are undeniable, and undisputable.

You must always still judge any person now by what they say, but by what they do. Bad people do bad things, no matter what their religion is now too.
It is interesting that a lot of the comparative religion’s values stated on the internet was, are still based on how the followers of that religion, do respect the human rights of others too, and how they now do practically treat other, and each others too, especially how they do treat the women today, equally or unfairly now too. And while that alone is a valid point, especially since women make up over half of the population of the world, and all of this is valid especially , since God himself clearly and for certainty does not allow the abuse of any persons, verbally or physically, or allow now any human rights abuses now as well, and for any reasons as well, and that now also still even includes any man, woman, child, and any seniors now as well, any abuses of self or others are sinful…While there are some common, rare similarity amongst some of the major religions in this world, The aspect of divorce is clearly one that contrasts them all.. It is true that there are many Muslims, men as well as women, who fully do not live up to the teachings of Islam, just as there are many Christian men and women who do not live up to the teachings of Jesus. You must always still judge any person now by what they say, but by what they do. Bad people do bad things, no matter what their religion is now too. Also real Reform from within Muslim societies is still even needed, first by education, knowing that over half of Muslims today, are illiterate, only 15 percent know Arabic, which is the language of the Qur’an, the holy book of Islam. Too Many persons do practice their own version of Christianity, and Islam it seems thus, what others have said it says too..

What others say

“Islam as a religion aiming to oppress women is a direct result of the abuse of Islam by some Muslim states, depending on the absolute respect given to religion by Muslim societies. In fact, Islamic law, if interpreted outside of its proper context, could be abused to justify and codify the violations of women’s rights in Muslim societies and states in the name of religion, in order to achieve certain social and political goals. The central question that poses itself, is whether there already exists a space for women to enjoy their human rights under the umbrella of Islam, or whether in general, men “have a degree” over women in Islam (Abdul-Ati). If some people are arguing that Islam ensures equity between men and women in both rights and duties, then what does it mean when the Qur’an, which is the standard revelatory source of Islamic Law, says: “And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree (of advantage in some cases of inheritance) over them,” (Qur’an 2:228). How would those people explain the meaning of that “degree” that men have over women? Is it because of that revelatory verse that some Muslim societies until now treat women as second-degree creatures in the name of Islam? The existence of some specific women’s rights in Islam is now obvious, and provided with a good argument, but how about polygamy in Islam? Is it true that a Muslim man has the right to marry up to four wives? Where is equity, then? What does it mean when the Qur’an states that a Muslim man, if he has the potential, can choose to marry one or two or three, or even four women (Badawi)? Does it mean that women are that marginalized and humiliated by the name of the religion?”

It is a sad note as well that both religious persons of all the minor, major religions too, and non religious persons, at least 90 percent of them, have been, or are still unacceptably guilty of false the discriminations of others, even too often the accusers of the others.

There is still a serious, real need in changing the Muslim countries’ laws, agendas, in order to fill the gap between the supposed women’s rights afforded by Islam, and women’s rights afforded in reality by many of the Muslim societies, and most Muslim males have to accept some serious religious even re-education.. Also real Reform from within Muslim societies is still even needed, first by even education, knowing that over half of Muslims today, are illiterate, only 15 percent do even know Arabic, which is the language of the Qur’an, the holy book of Islam.

“I don’t understand how Islam supposedly can give all these rights to women and then place the man as the head of the household in a position to abuse the woman’s rights. For instance, how can she hold on to her personal wealth if he tells her to hand it over? I do not know one Muslim family where the man is not abusing his position in some way.” Surah 4 – verse 34: *{… as to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill conduct, admonish them [first], [next] refuse to share their beds, [and last] beat them [lightly]; but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means [of annoyance]: for God is Most High, Great [above you all].}* Can a wife beat her unfaithful husband according to Islam now too? Another central issue should be re-examined–the common practise of Islam where a Muslim man’s testimony in a court is counted as equal to the testimony of two Muslim women. That itself is degrading. “and if there are not two men, then a man and two women, such as you choose for witnesses so that if one of them errs, the other can remind her. ” (Qur’an 2:282). ” Much too many Muslim men consider this verse religious evidence that women are mentally deficient.” ” Many persons consider the standing of Muslim women behind men in prayers a practical evidence that women under Islam, are excluded and humiliated, even in matters regarding their spiritual rights and there is no justification for the standing of women behind men.”
“My beloved wife oftentimes reminds my family to regard her with respect to her mind, but my mama and papa laugh at her. What can I say to my wife to stop her from slapping them down in anger? “. If husband can divorce his wife by saying 3 talak at a time & marriage is over, then how does Islam protect women’s right? Many husbands do abuse their divorce power. All the Muslim men who claim to be Muslims and abuse the women supposedly do not even know well their own religion or do not practice it? and for too many Muslim men it seems also it does not matter what Islam says because he is only following what pleases him, his interests, his interpreations of the laws.. sad.. Also since Islam came supposedly with higher moral laws to correct those of the Jahiliyyah, why didn’t Islam abolish enslaving women and children at times of war? Any abuse of anyone by anyone still is unacceptable. ” Everytime I ask my dad to open a bank account for me, he says I am a girl and therefore I should not get a bank account, while my younger brother has a bank account…” all about the true side of Islam.

“O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may Take away part of the dower ye have given them,-except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of good. Surah 4 Verse 19″
…They (Your wives) are your garments and ye are their garments. …. Surah 2 Verse 187

“Among the Muslims, the most perfect as regards his faith is the one whose character is most excellent, and the best among you are those who treat their wives well.”

.. I am also sure if you ask enough people, continue to look for it that you can find just about any answer you want to justify your continuing to sin as well.. but you are fooling only yourself still and not God.

Note: Sikhism now also like Mormons, Hindus, Jehovah Witnesses, Islam , Buddhism, and many others too are a cult, sect that bears no genuine relationship to Christianity too. It does not follow the Christian Bible too.

One cannot help but notice how so many of these religions differ but now they still do claim to be originated with God. A true God is certainly not so confused that he has started all these various, different and false religions.

but one should also clearly note that the religion own method of the absolute treatment of the forgiveness of personal sins is also more important to note, recognize now as well. Only the Christian religion undeniable provides assurance of one’s personal salvation, entrance to Heaven and clearly now promises immediate complete forgiveness too, through the past shed blood of God, Jesus Christ Himself !

(Luk 11:28) But he said, Yea rather, blessed are they that hear the word of God, and keep it.

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